Dirty Little Secret
by Dystopiac
Summary: The Joker has a deep, dark secret. One that, if found out, would shock Gotham City and The Batman to the very core. HUMOUR Fic.


**Nolanverse.**

**This is a HUMOUR fic and not to be taken seriously. The events during this fic take place during the events of The Dark Knight.**

**Baby was based on the Ganguro style. If you don't know what Ganguro is, search it on Google Images. Her ego was based on The Joker's from the comic books and cartoons, as well as mixed with other well known criminals such as Catwoman, Harley Quinn etc.**

**I tried to imagine what the Joker's home life would be like. He seems like the kind of man who would spoil his daughter, giving her a typical princess attitude. Baby bossing the Joker around is humour which comes from the fact that the Joker would never allow himself to be bossed around by anyone, especially a teenage girl.**

**This was written in about 30 minutes, so there is bound to be mistakes. All reviews are appreciated.**

Baby strolled down her street, nodding her head along to her favourite Japanese band, Puffy AmiYumi, which she was listening to on her iPod. She had had a hard day at school, and an even harder day having to look as good as she did. Though Baby took pride in her appearance every day, today she had outdone herself. She was dressed in white three-quarter hip hop-style sweats, and a pink tube top. She had rounded off her look with white wedges, rainbow bead necklaces and many colourful bangles.

Although to most of the people in the streets she walked on, Baby looked just like every other "princess" teenager. Peroxide blonde hair, fake tan, too much make up. Only Baby had her own little secret that none of those people knew about. In fact, Baby had probably experienced more in her 16 years of life than those people ever would. Baby wasn't just _anybody._ No, Baby was most definitely _somebody_ and a somebody who knew lots of other _somebody's._

She stopped briefly, checking her phone for any messages of her girlfriends, before switching her iPod off and making her way into her neighbourhood. Kitty Street wasn't the most attractive of streets in Gotham city. In fact, it was one of the most rundown parts of the city, alongside Crime Alley and the Narrows, but Baby was proud to call it her home.

She made her way to her house, at the end of the street. She walked up to the front door and unlocked it, stepped over the various leaflets and junk that was posted through their letterbox. It was a small house, having three medium sized bedrooms, a kitchen, dining room, bathroom and living room. There was a basement also, but Baby wasn't allowed to go down there. That was where her Daddy did all his major work. The house was empty, meaning that either her Daddy was out at work, or in the basement. Baby put all her money on that he was out at work.

She dropped her schoolbag on the floor, ignoring the dirt the littered the carpets. She walked through to the kitchen, observing the piles of newspapers that littered the table, and the various knives and guns the lay around the kitchen. Opening the fridge, she picked one of the few apples that lay there, throwing out some mouldy spaghetti in a plastic container.

Munching hungrily at the apple, she moved back to the front room, sitting down on the dirty leather couch, and finished her apple. She would have watched some TV, but it was no longer possible seeing as her Daddy had a slight "disagreement" with it a few days ago, resulting in its screen being smashed with a hammer.

Baby threw her apple core on the filthy floor and walked up the creaky stairs to her bedroom. She shut the door, and revelled in her little paradise. She had her Daddy decorate it to her exact instructions'. The walls were a soft shade of pink, with a shocking pink carpet. She took of her wedges and rubbed her feet on the soft white fur rug that lay in front of her pink and white bed. Various posters of boy bands and actors were stuck on her walls, along with photos of her with her girlfriends.

She glanced at the heart shaped clock which told her it was 4PM. She sat down at her dressing table, and applied more foundation to her already orange face. She fingered her hair, and was shocked to see her dark roots showing through. That wouldn't do at all. Daddy would have to fix that for her. She took hold a Britney Spears CD and placed it in her stereo, turning the sound on loud. She then picked up her pink fluffy diary and wrote in it for a few minutes.

A loud bang came from downstairs, signalling to Baby that her Daddy was home. She promptly turned off the music and headed downstairs. She walked through to the kitchen where she laid eyes on her Daddy. His beloved clown make-up was a mess; running and smudged. His waistcoat and coat were covered in what seemed to be blood, and he was busy rinsing off more blood from his much loved knives.

"DADDY!" Baby screamed, her hands on her hips.

The Joker jumped and turned round to face his teenage daughter.

"Yes, sweetheart?" He smiled.

"My roots need doing! And we have no food in the house! And I need $400." Baby barked her demands. If anyone else was to treat the Joker like this, the result would be a knife to their throat. But Baby was allowed, Baby was a special case.

"Honey, what would you need $400 for?" The Joker asked her back, careful not to incite her fiery temper.

"I need some new clothes." She replied.

"But you bought some clothes last week. How many clothes do you need?" The Joker asked incredulously. Wasn't two outfits enough? That's what he had. His more casual, grey suit which he used for his small bank heists; and his most famous purple number.

"Yes, but they're out of style now. Do you want me to look like a fool?" Baby raised her voice at the last question. Her Daddy was so old-fashioned and uncool.

The Joker sighed. Teenage daughters were so demanding. It was times like this that he wished he hadn't killed her mother. "Of course, darling. I'll give it you later." The Joker smiled at her.

"Thank you, daddy." Baby spoke in a sickly, nasal voice. "Oh, and daddy? I'm going out on Saturday to a party. I'll be back around six in the morning."

"Baby, you have a four AM curfew." The Joker told her sternly. "And who is at this party?"

"Daryl is taking me, don't worry! And I need an extension on my curfew. Four AM is too early." Baby rested her weight out one leg, and pouted.

"Whose Daryl? And I'll extend your curfew by half an hour. No more." The Joker asked, and looked confused.

"Daryl is my new boyfriend." Baby replied, smiling.

"I thought your boyfriends name was Andy?" The Joker asked. It was hard work keeping up with Baby. She had a new boyfriend every week.

"I got a new boyfriend. And Daddy? I need a gun to take to the party. You know, for protection." Baby looked as innocent as possible.

"If I give you this gun, you have to promise me you won't use it to fire at cars. I know what you're like, young lady. I'm not stupid." The Joker wasn't pleased about his precious weapons being used for such trivial purposes.

"Oh Daddy! Don't be silly. I won't even get it out of my bag if I don't need to." Baby clapped her hands together from glee. Fathers were so easy to manipulate.

"That's my girl!" The Joker moved at brought her into a big hug. "You make me so proud, my little princess."

"Of course I do, Daddy. I love you." And with that, Baby ran back up to her room, and soon after the music continued.

The Joker sighed and pinched between his eyebrows with his thumb and forefinger. It was times like this that he needed a woman in his life, to look after Baby for him. Making his way to the basement, where all his major weapons, plans and devices lay, The Joker made a mental note to himself to keep Baby on a closer leash.

"If anybody ever found out about this, my reputation is down the drain."


End file.
